Monday, November 12, 2012
Waiting for pathology. The wait is killing me.
This was a post I made on fb...I figured I'd put it here because it encompasses how I feel today while I am waiting for the pathology report- knowing its so close, yet so far. I'm so sick to my stomach waiting for this pathology report. My MIL has been bugging our caseworker and pathology dept and they r working on it 'doing extra stains' or something like that to confirm findings. I don't know that that means something bad but it FEELS bad. I am struggling like I haven't in DAYS with this. They are promising me a path report today. I NEED it- NOW. I don't care if they want to do extra work, obviously they know SOMETHING and I need to know. I do.not.know.how.to.cope.with.this. I feel like I'm dying slowly right now, like I can't get enough air, like I want to throw up everywhere and scream and cry and hit people and break things and throw a tantrum in the middle of the Neuro floor until someone gives me what I've been waiting almost a WEEK for. I miss my kids, it's been 9 days. I don't want my husband to die. I don't want him to be sick. I just want my boring, normal mediocre life back. This was posted earlier...as of now my MIL says the pathology report is in its "final stages". No word on what that actually MEANS. I'm not sure how right I am, or maybe I just perceive it this way because I'm the one doing the waiting, but its almost like those pathology people dont get that you are a real life person- not just a bunch of frozen tumor slices or stained cells- with a family, lying here, waiting to know if some cancer is trying to kill you. I just want answers. Bad or good, I just NEED answers.