Wednesday, January 16, 2013

When nothing feels "right" anymore...

I hate how nothing ever feels right anymore. Literally, everything feels wrong. I spend so much time wondering how long I will feel like this- if I always will feel like this.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

A Christmas Picture

Even though I think we're trying to look happy, you can pretty much see it plastered on our faces. Christmas was hard. Very hard.


While Christmas was great for the kids- their dad got to come home, they received all they wanted & more (people were VERY generous to us with Christmas because of John's illness. I had to buy and wrap almost nothing. I am immensely grateful for that.) and had good times with family- it was literally the LAST thing I wanted to do.

All this time, all this effort...wasted

I've had it cross my mind a million times to come back here to writing but it was always too hard. The last time I wrote was for our anniversary- now its after the New Year. Its always too hard to write but then I tell myself I *SHOULD* do it, I'll want to read back on this one day. I dont know when, but I'm sure I will. Or maybe my kids will want to when they are old enough one day. I had written last time that 8 years with my husband is not enough. Now I know that 8 years with him is almost certainly all I will get.