Friday, November 23, 2012
Still in ICU
So much for being in ICU for 2 days. Now John will likely be there until Sunday. That will make...5 days? I tried to go enjoy Thanksgiving with my family yesterday (parents, my kid, and my aunt) which wasnt really enjoyable. I was happy to see my kids, but things are so hard right now. Additionally, I wasnt feeling well and didnt eat. My mom kept bugging me to eat (dont moms always do that? ha!) but I didnt feel well. I decided to go home and catch a couple of hours of rest before heading back to the ICU because, well, you cant sleep in the ICU for more than about 2 hours at a time. I woke up vomiting, and with a fever. I surely couldnt go back like that and get him sick, and in addition to that, John had started to run a low grade fever and have a slightly elevated heartrate. He also has been nauseated (never vomited though). So the last thing I wanted to do was give him what I had. I called his dad to go stay with him and stayed home and slept. I woke up today feeling *slightly* better (not actively getting sick anymore) but still not great. The worst part is how much I miss John. I'm sad and lonely and I want him better...he was doing SO well and this setback has been very hard. His mom suggested I "suit up" (gown, mask, gloves) and go to see him for a moment today. She's going to pick me up later to do that. I am not going to stay in there long because I still cant risk him getting sick but I just want to see him and let him know I think about him every second. His dad will continue to stay with him. I got a lot of sweet cards and a few gifts today in the mail that helped brighten my spirits. I think if I can see John and talk to him for a few minutes, it will really help brighten my day. My friend offered to come over to hang out after she gets off of work. I initially said 'maybe' just thinking I wanted to have my own pity party but im really much lonelier than I thought since I'm the only one here, so I think I might take her up on the offer. I think I'll stock up on masks though...surely dont want anyone else to get a stomach bug from me. I just am keeping my fingers crossed John gets out of ICU soon. I hate that I will have to go back to work Monday. At least when he was in rehab, I was able to work (for a couple of days...) because he was busy all day. Now he wont be. But they will also start making serious determinations on what ways we have to try and treat the cancer and prolong John's life. That scares the crap out of me, I must admit. I'm worried that we'll get the worst possible news- that the cancer has already spread.