Friday, July 19, 2013

24 weeks

Yesterday made 24 weeks since John passed away. In 12 days it will be the actual ‘6 month’ anniversary of John passing away. Funny how that week/month thing works. Both days are significant, either way.

I spent the day very busy with school registration for our kids, but I was not remiss to be acutely aware of what the day was. Being so busy helped it not be as hard of a day as I expected it might me but it still was sad. I had to, of course, talk about it during registration when you’re confirming the parent information. Luckily for me (insert sarcasm here…) the lady helping me was also a school counselor in our district, so she started to asking me how I was doing, telling me how sorry she was, etc. I always appreciate the sentiment, of course, but  I probably would’ve preferred the type of people who just say ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ and left it at that. One lady even started asking me questions, like ‘what did he die of?’ I kept answers brief to discourage her from too many questions.

Thankfully it worked.

I re-live what happened enough on my own, thank you…I surely don’t want to give in depth details to total strangers.

And although I was always the parent who handled registration for the kids, it made me think of how hard the first days of school will be this year. John didn’t always make it out to the first day itself bc of work, but if he didn’t he made sure to go to the meet the teacher/open house events in the days following. Now I’ll be handling all that myself. My mom probably will come to help but it isn’t the same. It’s not John, and its not us with our kids.

It sucks.  That is an understatement.

Lots of things are like that now…events, parties, things for family/the kids, holidays. They all serve as additional reminders as to what I’ve lost and who isn’t here.

It would be nice to celebrate something or have some event or activity pass without it ALSO being some painful reminder as to what happened.

Maybe one day it won’t always be like that.

1 comment:

  1. I know that the pain will not ever go away but it won't always be so painful. It will take time and all these "first events/holidays/birthdays" will be the hardest.

    I know you are sick of hearing this but you really do handle this all with such grace. You are an amazing mom and your kids are so lucky to have you.