I came across a video from my phone of the day John came home with hospice (in December, just days before Christmas) when the kids came home from school and realized he was home and got to see him AT home for the first time in nearly 2 months. They had seen him in the hospital a handful of times once he was transferred back to our city but he hadn't been home since the diagnosis. It had been some 50-odd days or so since he had returned to our home.
Showing posts with label bittersweet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bittersweet. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
A favorite picture
This is probably one of my favorite pictures from the time during John's illness. Its also one of the pictures that make me cry the most.
John frequently had to remove his wedding ring during his illness- even from that night I brought him to the ER. Between the 4 surgeries in 6 weeks, the frequent MRI's or other scans, treatments, therapies, or even his 3 radio surgeries (radiation) he often had to remove his ring and give it to me to hold for safe keeping. John's hands and fingers were much larger than mine and his ring was huge, even on my thumb. I took to wearing it on a chain around my neck so that I wouldnt lose it. I frequently would have the ring for days at a time, especially when he would have surgery and be in ICU and couldn't wear it.
But he would always ask for it back when he was able to wear it again. I always loved putting it back on his finger, just like the day we got married.
One day after I put it back on him, I snapped this picture.
8 years and counting, I thought.
I had hoped we would make it maybe to 9, or maybe even 10. We still believed he could receive some treatment @ MD Anderson at that point that would prolong his life somewhat. Any amount of additional time wouldve been precious.
I wish we had been right.
These days, his ring is on that same chain I wore, hanging from his urn. My engagement ring sits in a jewelry box, waiting to be given to my daughter one day as a memento. I've moved my wedding band to my right ring finger.
It never stops looking so out of place on the wrong hand.
John frequently had to remove his wedding ring during his illness- even from that night I brought him to the ER. Between the 4 surgeries in 6 weeks, the frequent MRI's or other scans, treatments, therapies, or even his 3 radio surgeries (radiation) he often had to remove his ring and give it to me to hold for safe keeping. John's hands and fingers were much larger than mine and his ring was huge, even on my thumb. I took to wearing it on a chain around my neck so that I wouldnt lose it. I frequently would have the ring for days at a time, especially when he would have surgery and be in ICU and couldn't wear it.
But he would always ask for it back when he was able to wear it again. I always loved putting it back on his finger, just like the day we got married.
One day after I put it back on him, I snapped this picture.
8 years and counting, I thought.
I had hoped we would make it maybe to 9, or maybe even 10. We still believed he could receive some treatment @ MD Anderson at that point that would prolong his life somewhat. Any amount of additional time wouldve been precious.
I wish we had been right.
These days, his ring is on that same chain I wore, hanging from his urn. My engagement ring sits in a jewelry box, waiting to be given to my daughter one day as a memento. I've moved my wedding band to my right ring finger.
It never stops looking so out of place on the wrong hand.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Laughing and crying
A friend of mine made a post to me today about a memory she had earlier today involving John. I actually like when people do this- a lot of times they are stories I had completely forgotten about.
She mentioned that as she heard a particular song on the radio today & it reminded her of a trip we all (John & I, her and her husband) took one night to a casino. We had a blast, and by the time we left the guys were quite intoxicated. John kept putting on a bunch of songs and she and I had to listen to those two "serenade" us the whole way home. The drive was easily an hour and their singing was hilarious- basically like really bad karaoke inside a car.
She mentioned in her comment how this memory made her both laugh and cry, and how people in traffic probably thought she was crazy.
I told her not to worry about it- if she looks crazy, I must look downright insane most of the time, because I do that quite often.
She mentioned that as she heard a particular song on the radio today & it reminded her of a trip we all (John & I, her and her husband) took one night to a casino. We had a blast, and by the time we left the guys were quite intoxicated. John kept putting on a bunch of songs and she and I had to listen to those two "serenade" us the whole way home. The drive was easily an hour and their singing was hilarious- basically like really bad karaoke inside a car.
She mentioned in her comment how this memory made her both laugh and cry, and how people in traffic probably thought she was crazy.
I told her not to worry about it- if she looks crazy, I must look downright insane most of the time, because I do that quite often.
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